Just some thoughts.
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
I was browsing through my blog and realised that it had been a long time that I had actually written anything personal. Well, there was a time when I felt that I only wanted to post beneficial things (I still want to) and that ended up in me not writing any of my reflections but merely sharing excerpts from stuff I had read, or videos that had touched me.
But how this blog started out was really, at the risk of sounding totally self-centred, about my journey. And penning my thoughts and experiences did help me in some way.
So here’s one thing that I can share:
I think forgiving is a majorly tough thing to do. Most of my life, I had never had anyone really actually hate me or do anything horrible to me. So I never actually had to ‘do’ any forgiving. I was happy-go-lucky, people treated me well, if I was hurt or angered by something, it was easy for me to brush it off.
But I guess I needed to learn a lesson. I needed to learn caution, and trust, and dependence on Allah alone. (Okay fine, thats 3 lessons.)
That was when people started to hurt me, whether they realize it or not. At the beginning, I saw it as an attack on me. But soon I realise that the reason this was happening to me was because Allah wanted me to stop depending on people, to stop harbouring hopes from all else but Him. And the only way I would learn that lesson was when those I had harboured hopes on, the ones I had depended on, disappointed me.
It is a painful lesson. But one I needed. And its still pretty much ongoing. But now its different levels I guess. Now my lesson is to continue to love those that have hurt me.
Its really amazing actually. I don’t know why or how I started doing it. But I guess forces from above must have moved my heart to do so. Each time someone hurt me, I will make doa for the person. The more they hurt me, they more I made doa for the person, the more I would send the rewards of my charity and my recitation of the Qur’an to the person. Even when it got really bad, I would cry and fear that on the Last Day, the person would be accountable for what he/she has done to me. And I would ask Allah to forgive the person because I had forgiven the person.
And you know what happens after that? My love for the person would just grow. I get hurt, I make doa, I love the person more. And its really been a humbling experience.
Allah… Allah the Most High, the Most Merciful of those who show mercy, the Most Loving of those who can love.. MasyaAllah.
We hurt Him so much, we disobey, we do half-hearted works of worship, we treat Him really badly. Now before anyone comes and tells me my aqidah is skewed, I know we can’t hurt Him. Glorious is He above all that we say about Him! I’m just saying that for me, love was the only thing that made forgiving that much easier. And I manifest this little experience of mine to Him. How much He must love us to still continue giving and giving, providing us with food and shelter, letting us go on with wealth and good health, not taking ANY of the privileges away from us.
But for humans, if someone were to hurt us, we either cut off the person, or we restrict certain privileges right? But not Allah.. Allah gives and just continues giving.
I can’t even begin to comprehend in my head or my heart the amount of love He has for us.