My Father’s a Man

June 21, 2009 at 11:15 pm 6 comments

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

We had just finished our dinner and was walking back to the car when I noticed a man wearing a white shirt kicking the bottom of a tree. Amused, I just continued walking while watching.

To my horror, what I thought was the “bottom of a tree” was actually a woman who was crouching against the tree. He was shouting at her but I couldn’t hear his words. He kicked her several times again and my blood boiled. How dare he?! Am I seeing things? He grabbed her arm and tried to make her stand but she refused and struggled. They exchanged words, there were more struggling but the kicking had stopped.

We reached the car and I continued staring at the couple. If I couldn’t confront them, at least he needs to know someone is watching and I wouldn’t hesitate to call the police. At that point, my mum asked me to accompany her and so I couldn’t stay to see what happened. Before I left, I told my dad, “You have to do something!”.

I don’t know if my dad actually did anything but by the time mummy & me got back to the car, my brother said that they eventually went back to their group of friends nearby. That got me even more appalled. I had noticed a group of people hanging around nearby while the incident happened earlier. But how could that “group of friends” allow the man to beat the woman?!! What kind of friends are those!

I was disgusted. What kind of MAN beats up a woman? How can I ever respect anyone who uses physical violence to get their way? I sat in the car fuming and thought of this:

“Manliness is “rujula”; it is what a man should reflect. In short, a true man is close to Allah, and the further from Him he is, the less of a man he is. So humbleness is manliness, arrogance is not. Patience, endurance, forbearance and so on is manliness.

Eating while walking in the street without a good reason diminishes one’s manliness. To serve your parents, your wife and family is manliness.

It is one of these men of our predecessors who said to his wife, “May my hand be cut off if it were ever lifted to strike you.”

I read that here weeks ago and found myself nodding in agreement. And that ‘man’ I saw earlier, he was not a man by my standards. What kind of ‘man’ can’t even control his anger and uses violence? What kind of ‘man’ is he that he can’t speak gently? Having a louder voice, striking with more power, getting your way forcefully… these aren’t yardsticks to gauge your manliness!

Manliness is generosity, speaking kindly, lowering of gaze, treating others with respect. And in all of these aspects, alhamdulillah my dad & my brother are real men!

May Allah forgive and guide us all and give shelter and protection to those who needs shelter and protection and may Allah help us emulate the Prophet SAW in our speech, actions, thoughts and treatment of others. Amin!

Entry filed under: Akhlak, men, Prophet SAW. Tags: .

Girls Go Camping! A Parent’s Work

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. mawaddah  |  June 21, 2009 at 11:43 pm

    what??? that is totally absurd!! then what happen.. did he stop?
    yeah agree wif you.. what kind of man beats up a woman!!
    pity the lady… or wife??

  • 2. alfaqeer  |  June 22, 2009 at 11:34 am

    mawaddah: Yeah he stopped. I think he realised people were starting to stare. Not sure if they were married though. I hope not! Who wants an abusive husband!

  • 3. jane doe  |  June 22, 2009 at 8:56 pm

    as a muslim it is an obligation to stop any wrong witnessed.
    Especially if the wrong causes oppression/hurt upon one.
    Else the witnesses are considered subahat.

    I have been in your situation..and I didnt know the above statement. I was confused. At that time of witnessing..I just didnt know what was the right thing to do…so like me, you can learn too…just in case it happens again. na’uzubillah.

  • 4. annas  |  June 22, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    as a muslim it is obligatory upon one who witnesses a wrong done to stop it especially so if the wrong involves hurting others or oppressing others…else it is regarded as subhat.
    as for me, i too had been in the same situation too…i was too bewildered and confused as to what to do…but like me, you too could take this incident as a learning point and plan what you could do for future similar incidents…( like get more manpower to hold that man down and call the police etc..comfort the lady..etc..)

  • 5. alfaqeer  |  June 23, 2009 at 12:24 am

    jane doe & annas: Astaghfirullah.. Thank you for telling me. I hope it doesn’t happen again but if it does, insyaAllah I’ll do something about it.

  • 6. abdullah  |  June 26, 2009 at 1:09 am

    There’s this song which probably, all of you don’t listen to but anyhow, this is part of the lyrics, which I thought was relevant.

    Do you feel like a man
    When you push her around?
    Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
    Well I’ll tell you my friend one day this world’s going to end
    As your lies crumble down a new life she has found.

    A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
    Every action in this world will bear a consequence
    If you wade around forever you will surely drown
    I see what’s going down.
    I see the way you go and say you’re right again,
    say you’re right again,
    heed my lecture

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