Sometimes I get sad thinking about how I’m only 22 and yet the duties and responsibilities that is expected of me gets me extremely exhausted at the end of each day. I go about my day sometimes just waiting for the time my head hits the pillow again. I think it was just these past 2 weeks or so. Running errands, studying, assignments, commitments to family, night classes… It tires me out.
I decided yesterday that this is not the kind of attitude I want towards my life. Going out of the house in the morning only to long for the time I can get home to sleep isn’t a right motivation to go about my long day! Haha. Alhamdulillah Allah managed to make me realize that within a short span of time. Because only with realization of error can you then take the next step of reform! And reform I will! InsyaAllah!
Ustaz Abu Zaki (I really love this man so much) said recently with regards to Muslims, “We may be simple people, but we are not empty people.” I found myself nodding in agreement. We have a purpose, a clear goal and destination and even a perfect example to follow. It also reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend (not of the Muslim faith) recently. We were just catching up and I was telling him the ‘events’ that has happened in my life. At the end of it, he said “Wah, your life so drama. And so complicated.” And I answered, “Huh? Where got? I try to obey my God and my parents. They say don’t do, I don’t do. They say do, I do la. Where got complicated. Simple what!”
Hahaha, upon reflection later, I realized I made it sound really simple! I mean, I liked the way I made it sound like I didn’t make decisions for myself. By taking myself out of the equation, it sounds like complete submission. (Which I’m still very, very far off.) That I leave it to Allah & my parents. But heh, in reality, of course the decision-making process that occurs with regards to little things and big things are the ones that get me most worked up.
Anyway, before I digress. I used to have this little exercise that I do each time I left the house. It was a suggestion by Dr Fadhilah Kamsah. I must have heard it on the radio years ago. I’m not sure why I’ve abandoned this exercise (busy busy) but insyaAllah I will start doing it again. He was talking about niat (intention) and having clear directions. He said before you leave the house, or in the morning before you start your day, list down (mentally or otherwise) 10 intentions for the day.
So an example of my 10 intentions would be:
- I want to please Allah & His Messenger today.
- I want to behave in the best akhlaq today so that others can see the beauty of Islam.
- I want to smile to at least 3 strangers today.
- I want to lighten the burden of someone today.
- I want to be patient & happy in all situations.
- I want to get closer to Allah & His Messenger.
- I want to give my best in my worldly commitments.
- I want to make my mum’s day today. (Reminder to sms her a sweet sappy msg during lunch time)
- I want to be of benefit to the people around me.
- I want to be conscious of Allah in every moment and in every place I go today.
So usually when I’m walking to the bus-stop, I’ll just come up with 10 things (or less, or more, depends) on what I want to achieve that day. It used to make me motivated & optimistic to go about my day. So I shall start doing the 10 Intentions exercise again especially since it seems that my days only get longer & busier. Need to keep my chirpy & bubbly front always. I was a grumpy mess yesterday because the exhaustion really got to me. I apologize to everyone who was on the receiving end of it! My mood picked up significantly as the day went by but to those who got angsty sms-es or emails from me in the morning, hahaha, I’M SORRY! I didn’t like myself either. =/
Have a blessed weekend everyone! Juma’ah Mubarak!