In the sight of Allah
Its been a while since I’ve properly updated my blog. I used to have so much to say and so much to share that I would write several posts a day and schedule them to be posted over a few days. Haha. For now, I have several drafts waiting to be properly edited and revised. I’ve been somehow gripped with this fear of being accounted for my words in Akhira and this has somehow resulted in this aversion I have to my blog. Hmm..
Anyhow, I pray always that this blog would have some sort of benefit to anyone who comes across it, that someone may find comfort in some of the words, that a seeker might find something that might bring him ever closer to Allah & His Messenger SAW. And to always remind myself that these words are first directed to me & my own diseased soul before it is directed to others.
I spent a good deal of time this week reflecting and thinking and introspecting about my life, the people in it, the events that have led me to where I am now, etc etc. A few points I thought I should pen down so that I may remember & reflect endlessly:
- I may not always know why I am made to meet certain people in my life. I may not always know how to react to their treatment of me and what is expected from me by Allah towards them.
Yet, these people are present in my life and sometimes it feels like a gargantuan task in figuring out how to deal with it/them but then I have to remind myself that I have met amazing people in my life too. And if I only meet the great and the blessed and the amazing people, then thats too easy for me right? I’ll probably never realize the worth and the amazing-ness of these people if not for the others.
Here, I’d like to apologise to everyone because I know that I’ve not been the best of friend, or sister. I have not given everyone their right and my words are harsh, my jokes/teasings too frequent, my adab & akhlaq lacking in so many ways. Please please forgive me and advise me all the time.
- I woke up this morning, went to the kitchen and saw Muscle Relaxer pills or something to that effect. And then it hit me: My parents are getting old.
It scares me and saddens me at the same time. My family is probably the busiest family I know. We go in and out of the house, see each other for minutes of each day, sometimes we go for 2 days not talking to each other. Which is why drives back home & the weekends are so darn precious to me. Just sitting in the car together, the 4 of us, is already a great blessing. And I miss my childhood where they were always present, I never had to come home to an empty house, my Saturdays spent at my grandma’s house, the bulk of my playmates were mainly my cousins.
Now, I have to be content with calls and sms-es from my mother throughout my day, random calls to my dad, meeting & having talks with my brother occasionally. I cherish every precious sms, a hug from my dad/brother, and kissing my mum. I can’t live without these people and I want to maximise every bit of time I have with them.
- And this 3rd point will make this depressing post more depressing than it already is haha, but hey, I just love to be slapped and woken up in the worst possible way. Haha. That was how this whole journey started. Allah knows best how to get to me, and let me tell you, its not always pretty. So here’s one to shake the hearts:
It is narrated from Imam Ali alaihissalam that:
“Whoever wants to know his own station in the sight of Allah, he ought to know the station of Allah in his own sight when committing sins. Thus such is his station in the sight of Allah the most high and exalted”
روي عن أمير المؤمنين (عليه السلام) : من أراد منكم أن يعلم كيف منزلته عند الله ، فلينظر كيف منزلة الله منه عند الذنوب ، كذلك منزلته عند الله تبارك وتعالى .
(albi’har hadith collections; translated by A.H. Katib)
That hurt right? I know.
Here’s a perfect song for the moment. I love the video as much as I love the song. In these times when there are just too many thoughts in my head, it helps to step back and look at the bigger picture. It does help too to feel small and little and to surrender. Hope you enjoy the video. Have a blessed weekend everyone! Keep me in your doa please!