Too many words too little
It is only through interaction that you learn. It is through “How are you?” that you reflect on your state. It is through “What do you think of…?” that you formulate your thoughts. It is through “How do you feel?” that you challenge your heart for an answer. It is when someone cries that you realize your mistakes, when someone is indifferent that you are aware of your worth in his eyes, when a certain reaction is experienced that you realize something new.
It is through others that you know yourself.
And in all the questions and all the learning, my only tool of expression are my words. The combination of vowels and consonants, the marriage between a G, a D and perhaps an E, the paragraphs, the commas and the fullstops – they’ve usually done the trick. I describe my happiness, I cook up a string of words to echo the warmth in my heart, I pull others in to share what I’m feeling.
But time & again, there comes moments when I search through the crevices of my heart and the depths of my mind, pleading for a clue to some alphabets and some words that could help me say what I want to say and I can never find them.
In these moments, my tears are useless, my expressions hidden, my emotions tucked in, my eyes pleading to be understood without being described. Alas, there’s none who pays attention because I had always relied on words. And when words fail me, so do humans. And the melancholic symphony playing in my heart is heard by none but me though I wish terribly for someone to hear it too.
Allah hears and if its meant to be known, it will be. I finally, surrender.
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