Don’t leave me Ramadhan
There is something about Ramadhan that makes me so mellow, that drives these tears out in the open, not caring who sees them or who knows about them. There’s something about Ramadhan that makes me think of the Habaibs and the Shaykhs and hope I was in their company.
Tonight, I missed Shaykh Hisham, Shaykh Khalil, Habib Umar Bin Hafiz, Habib Ali al-Jufri and as always, Ustaz TM Fouzy. What is it about these men that makes me miss them? Although I had never spoken to them personally. (With the exception of Ustaz Fouzy because he’s more ‘accessible’.)
I was just watching a video on Habib Umar and I cried & cried. His face… subhanAllah. Just looking at his face can drive someone to tears. I wonder how it feels to be one of his students, to hear him speak everyday, to see him on a regular basis, to drink from his amazing cup of knowledge.
I am thirsty, I am impoverished! My soul yearns to be in Syria or Tarim. 2 years ago, I made the decision only to reverse it a year later. I know Allah knows best but I can’t help but hope that I could step on those lands soon. Ya Allah… please make it possible for me. :(
2 nights ago, after that ‘scary’ terawih I had, I msged my Ustazah seeking advice. This was what she said to me:
“Redha sabar dalam susah & syukur ikhlas sentiasa kepada Allah. Jangan jadikan manusia serta dunia menjadi penghalang dalam mencari Allah, lihat Allah dengan hati yang mengasihi.”
Loosely translated to mean:
“Redha & be patient in adversity and be sincerely grateful always to Allah. Don’t let humans and the dunya be an obstacle in searching for Allah, face Allah with a loving heart.”
Ya Allah, make my journey towards you a smooth one. Remove the obstacles in my path ya Allah.. Don’t let this heart be deceived by promises of this world and be occupied with the love of other than You ya Rabbi.. Let me be in the company of the righteous and the ones bestowed with taqwa so that I may attain nearness to You and to benefit from their speech.
Why is this heart so restless? Why do I give in to worldly commitments and justify my actions so? Allah… I’m desperately in need of guidance so please guide me.