Discussion on The Ideal Muslimah v.2

June 6, 2008 at 3:03 pm 6 comments


This is a long time coming but I’ve finally decided to post it. I can’t wait for my Ustaz to reply. I’ve also omitted some things and therefore feel this is now safe to post. Haha. Happy reading! (It sounds quite angry but I really wasn’t when I was writing it. Heh.)


In a previous sharing, I had posted an excerpt from The Ideal Muslimah & had said there were 2 things I wanted to discuss. I had already done the first one in the same sharing & so here’s the second part.

It has got to do with this:

“There are also women who obey Allah in some matters, but disobey Him in others, acting according to their own whims & desires. Such people are, as it were, half-Muslims, and the split personality of those who have deviated from the guidance of Islam is one of the most dangerous psychological and spiritual disorders facing modern man.”

This topic that I’m going to raise is probably going to raise a few eyebrows too. Haha. Yes, I’m going to talk about polygamy. But before I continue, I’d just like to stress that these are my personal views, from the lessons I’ve attended & from my own readings. I may have gotten them wrong and I pray Allah protect me from that.

So. “Women who obey Allah in some matters, but disobey Him in others”.

We’ve heard countless times of calls from feminist groups to ban polygamy from the institution altogether. My view on polygamy will come later. First, let me deal with these women (ceh, macam paham).

In Surah al-Maidah there’s a line that says “O you who believe! Forbid not the good things that God has made lawful for you & trangress not.”

There is a clear warning here that what Allah has made halal, you cannot make it haram.

In another line in the same Surah, He says “If any do fail to judge by what Allah has revealed, they are (no better than) those who rebel.”

And the word being used here is Fasiqun.

We are in no position to say polygamy is WRONG or that it is haram. How can we, when Allah the All-Knowing has made it halal? He Who knows Everything. And who are we to say it is wrong? Yes, men do abuse it. We say they are wrong. We cannot say the rule of Allah SWT is wrong or is flawed. That is a grave mistake to make. When you judge, judge the ones who are doing wrong, their acts, but do not put a judgment on Allah’s Knowledge & Wisdom.

So women who ask that polygamy be banned, or those who say that its haram, thats wrong. To ask for stricter enforcement when it comes to polygamy, that is fine, because that is only to minimise abuse of the favour being granted to men by Allah.

Now lets come to the line that allows polygamy.

Surah an-Nisa’: “Marry women of your choice, two or three of four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then marry only one, or (a captive) that your right hand possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.”

You see! Polygamy is merely allowed, but is NOT RECOMMENDED. What is recommended instead is to marry only one. The Qur’an is also the only holy scripture that contains the phrase “marry only one”. The Old Testament & The New Testament never said anything against marrying more than one or to recommend marrying only one. The Qur’an is the only one that said marry only one. (Yes, pun fully intended.)

For the longest time, polygamy was common. When the Message was revealed, Allah had restricted it to only four women. And even then, He recommended that men marry only one. So people who say that Islam encourages polygamy should go back to school & study & stop preaching ignorance.

You know what the worst reason someone can give for wanting to marry more than one? To “ikut sunnah Rasulullah SAW”. Translation: To emulate the Prophet SAW. EXCUSE ME AH. If I hear that one more time, my shoe will really fly! Oh witr you don’t pray, dhuha you don’t pray, you don’t treat people nicely, you rarely read the Qur’an and suddenly when it comes to polygamy, you want to follow the Prophet SAW! CANTIK MUKA. Amazing la your iman. If you really want to follow the Prophet SAW, wait until your first wife pass away okay, because Rasulullah SAW did not have more than one wife when he was with his first wife, Sayyidatina Khadijah RA. So you don’t anyhow talk about Sunnah. And also, what guarantee do you have that you can treat your wives fairly like the Prophet SAW?

Okay, now I’ll reiterate my view on polygamy. You know what I’ll say if one day my husband tells me he’s thinking of getting a second wife?

“Alhamdulillah! My dear husband, your iman is so strong. You are confident that when you marry a second one, I will not be jealous. And if ever I feel jealous & hurt, you are confident that you will be able to answer Allah SWT on the Day of Judgment on your treatment of me. Wah masyaAllah dear, how strong your legs that you will be able to withstand the long Hisab with regards to your 2 wives and how much love you gave us, how much money you gave us etc. Dear, you know that I get $1000 from you every month right? If after you marry the second time and you cannot afford to still give me that amount, you know that its considered as you are being zalim to me? Alhamdulillah, now I get to half my house chores, I don’t have to cook everyday, I can use my time to get closer to Allah instead of layan-ing all your whims & fancies!”

Trust me, after that he wouldn’t dare to marry another. Hahaha! (Okay actually no, don’t trust me on that.)

What I’m trying to get at is this: Polygamy is against the husband rather than against the wife.

Do you know how difficult is to maintain 2 wives & 2 families? (Rhetorical question okay.) Allah SWT knows that we will not be able to be just. No way man. Where got woman, or man for that matter, not be jealous when the one he/she loves is with another man/woman? Of course jealous even if a little bit. So how could you ever be just? Means you cannot be just. Means on the Day of Judgment, you are done for. Haha. Okay thats a bit mean, it just means it harder for you to account for your actions on the Last Day. Because no matter how hard you try in this world, you are bound to hurt someone’s feelings.

So guys, before you want to get that second wife, think about it.

And ladies, with all the talk of marrying early because heaven is for you and all that, please, know your rights. Know what you are getting into. Know your rights over him and his rights over you. Learn all these instead of just jumping into it because you are crazy in love. Thats being foolish.

Rasulullah SAW paid 4000 dirham as dower (Mahr) to Umm Habiba RA. Receiving a dower is your right as a wife-to-be. Don’t say “Oh if he gives me a mushaf, thats enough.” During the Prophet’s time, males who had nothing to give as Mahr, the Prophet allowed the marriage to go on and the Mahr being lines from the Qur’an that he had memorised.

But in this day & age, you want to allow that to happen? Excuse me, besides those lines that he had memorised, his akhlak was also tiptop. He lived during the Prophet’s SAW time, he knew his religion very well. In our time, you want to allow the guy you want to marry to just give you a mushaf as a Qur’an, thats being foolish. Is that how much he values you? Sure, you may treasure the Qur’an and think that being given a Qur’an is the greatest mahr possible. But the one who’s giving it, is his akhlak like that of the Qur’an? The Book he’s giving, is he amal-ing it? If not, he has no right to give it to you. It becomes merely a book with words.

Bottom line is, know your rights and know something clearly (fiqh munakahat) before getting into it. Just because you read/watched Ayat-ayat Cinta does not mean we must all go find a partner right now. They are learned people, they know their stuff. For us, please go learn first okay.

Entry filed under: books, marriage, Posts, Prophet SAW, The Ideal Muslimah, women. Tags: .

The Love of God Mampukah ku mengharungi titian sirat nanti?

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. ruqayyah  |  June 7, 2008 at 1:24 am

    lol :D nuff said kakaka

  • 2. hasan  |  June 8, 2008 at 7:20 am

    haha! tats like ‘in your face’ kind of entry eh, i like!!!!

  • 3. alfaqeer  |  June 8, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    ruqayyah: haha i see i have a supporter! haha.

    hasan: Hasan, you just like EVERYTHING controversial la. Haha.

  • 4. Northasia  |  June 28, 2008 at 10:58 am

    Hi Meme,

    Love reading ur post n polygamy…we share the same exact views *very wide grin* And this thing about being just….tough to say but its almost impossible you know….(I want all men to read this…almost impossible).

    However, my dear, the film Ayat-ayat Cinta was a very beautiful show that was very well-crafted (actually very much based on Nabi Yusof’s life story..abt being an instant hit among the gals and being fitnah) but its improvised version where they included the polygamy is an eye-opener. I truly beleiev its intended for the men to watch how DIFFICULT it is to have 2 wives and be just. Not to mention, women are sensitive creatures (sometimes only :) over-sensitive) and cannot control their emotions very well..its abt the jealousy bit…ahh sometimes they say not jealous but deep down ….like what P.Ramlee said, Siapa tak sayang bini…well guys its the same for the ladies. Kalau boleh…bercinta dengan seorang & to cherish that person till death do u part. Enuf said :)

  • 5. Amirah  |  October 4, 2008 at 3:12 pm

    Masya’Allah. I so love your post!
    You have a very (funny-light but gives a deep impact) way of writing =)) I learned a few things from here. thank you!
    And the answer you’d give your husband, HILARIOUS! hahah

  • 6. alfaqeer  |  October 6, 2008 at 9:00 am

    Northasia: Correction: The BOOK ayat-ayat cinta, not the film. I still get angry thinking about the injustice the film has done to the book haha.

    But yes, lets pray all men get to read this. Haha! Like, what are the chances right…

    Amirah: Haha thanks dear. I was feeling really strongly about this issue at one point of time so decided to finally write about it. Haha.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed

Recent Comments


%d bloggers like this: