Marriage

May 10, 2008 at 11:55 am 5 comments

That (points above) is one of the most beautiful sounds I’ve ever heard. Can I request that it be played during my wedding march? You know, the part we go around & salam all the elders & hug the cousins & have tears rolling down my wedding gown? Haha. (I’m a crybaby la, I know I will surely cry.)

Anyway, speaking about weddings, or marriage more like it, I’ve thought about it enough & although I have written about it elsewhere (i.e. LJ), I think perhaps I’d just like to post it here too.

Its weird, when you want to be loved and are all interested in guys, nobody comes. When you finally decide, nah Allah first, ha kau, they all come like bees! NO TIME LA HOI. I think its the age. Suddenly everyone wants a wife-material girl. I was never cut out for the girlfriend role anyway. Haha.

Plus, a really close friend is getting married in a month. :) So yes, marriage has been the buzz of the town (my town atleast) in recent weeks. I only hope someone can accept me with all my disgusting flaws and horribly horrible sins. And I hope my expectations aren’t too high. I just want someone who loves Allah & Rasul SAW more than they will ever love me AND IS NOT ASHAMED TO SHOW IT. And love my parents and his own parents more than myself. Seriously, thats all. I don’t give two hoots about your job as long as you bring back halal rizq. Anyone fit that description? Howell, I got time to wait.

I wrote that on 28th Feb because I got a marriage proposal from someone in school! Hahaha. Those of you who know the story, please ah, not funny okay.

Anyway, the main thing I always say about marriage with regards to me is this: Perangai tak macam Sayyidatina Khadijah RA, ada hati nak suami macam Rasulullah SAW.

Translation: My attitude & behaviour is far from Sayyidatina Khadijah RA, I’ve still got the cheek to hope for a husband like Rasulullah SAW.

Yeah, because my stand is this: Who you are, your behaviour, your treatment of others, will attract a certain group of people. If you want to attract the good ones, surely you must be good yourself. I’m not saying that we have to be good so that we will get good partners. Of course we have to be good for Allah’s sake but it makes the journey towards Him easier & much smoother if someone is going on that same journey.

And with all the different ideologies (although they’re ALL muslims) floating around in the Muslim world, I think it would be great to be with someone who’s on the same wavelength. Or atleast, around the same wavelength.

I mean, I’d be really suffocated if my husband is the type who will not go for maulids of if he does, he wouldn’t stand during Qiyam, or he doesn’t read much or doesn’t believe in Awliya’ or is just not spiritually inclined. It would just depress me. I have dreams of studying overseas but that remains to be seen what happens in the next 2-3 years. I can only pray for someone supportive of the things I dream of doing (note: Zaynab al-Ghazali!).

Marriage is a union of 2 souls who will help each other in achieving Allah’s Redha (Good Pleasure) & achieve ma’rifatulLah. The moment someone becomes a distraction from the main goal and does not help in increasing my love for Allah & Rasul SAW, I think something is wrong somewhere. Its a two-way process, I want to be able to help my future husband achieve his goals & help him increase his love for Allah & Rasul SAW too.

Its been a few months now & I realize that slowly, my heart has just died. Haha. I don’t mean that negatively, its more of…. I don’t get attracted anymore. I think I know why. Months ago, I started reciting this dua because I was confused & didn’t want to make my own decisions anymore (because I’ve a bad track record when it comes to decisions that are good for me) and so I kept repeating this dua :

“Ya Allah, take control of my heart. Let me love only those you want me to love. Let my heart be inclined to people/things/activities that is good for me & my iman, & make my heart not inclined to those that are bad for me & my iman. “

Over time, I realized that the things I used to find pleasure in doing, I didn’t find them as exciting or fun anymore. And my heart just stopped being attracted to guys on the whole. Haha. Social interaction with guys became boring unless they had something intellectual or spiritually liberating to say.

I stopped talking so much to guys unless there was a need for it. Every guy is a potential. So there’s no denying the fact that feelings might develop over the course of friendship. I mean, I have many male friends who are strictly platonic & thats great. But right now, at this juncture in my life, nahh, I have enough male friends. Unless there’s a real need for me to be talking to a guy, I wouldn’t be spending my time trying to get to know someone.

And the people I know now, I try to keep talking about non-beneficial things on a minimal level. Jokes will arise, I will ramble about personal things sometimes but I try to remind myself that I’m here to help, not to talk rubbish. And I guess some guys might find that I’m being a bit cold. Howell. Thats perfectly fine with me. My girl friends know what a joker & bully I can be. ;) If someone is serious enough about getting to know me & I’m comfortable enough opening up, then you’ll know. But otherwise, I’m fine with my girl friends & my family.

Do I find this oppressive? Not at all. In fact, I feel so much more liberated knowing that the people I know now are serious about getting to know Allah. Previously, there was that need to impress & make someone feel good. Right now, I don’t feel obliged to impress anyone. I say what I say, you take what you need.

Indeed, Islam liberates women. And I feel so liberated. :)

Entry filed under: marriage, music, Posts, women. Tags: .

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5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. mardhiah  |  May 12, 2008 at 12:57 am

    salam sister, i stumbled upon ur blog from ruqayyah’s & just wanted to tell you that i totally agree with this post! :D

    nah i don’t think it’s oppressive at all, in fact, like you, i think it’s the opposite. total liberation. now i don’t care so much about impressing other ppl, or the opposite gender to be exact, unless it’s something worth to talk about. it’s like i have something finally lifted off my shoulder hehe.

    maybe i’ve grown up. or maybe i’ve come to feel what total liberation is all about. Islam liberates u, i second that. :)

  • 2. alfaqeer  |  May 12, 2008 at 6:30 am

    mardhiah: salam & welcome! :)

    yes thats what i’m talking about – liberation! it could be that we’ve grown up too you know, but i’m sure islam plays a big part. if only i had just “sami’na wa ato’na” and not rebel so much in my younger days. hehe.

  • 3. hidayah  |  May 12, 2008 at 10:33 pm

    sayang.. errmm how i come i seem to miss the big news!! ahahaha.. guess i had the equal version to the “proposol”.. and yea.. the last thing i said to someone a yr ago was; i admire khadijah r.a, n i pray to meet someone wif traits like Rasullulah(saw). i see myself as tiny as zahra.. manakan dapat menandingi Khadijah. MasyaAllah..

    p/s: i seriously gonna get tt bk i told u frm wardah. erk!! :P

  • 4. spiderman_pink  |  May 20, 2008 at 12:50 am

    lah. so that pocong story @ punggol during ria’s misteri jam 12 was you all along?

  • 5. alfaqeer  |  May 20, 2008 at 6:41 am

    hidayah: Its no big news laa. Its funny lagi ada. Anyway, yeah, we pray we can improve ourselves and find someone who’ll help us get closer to Allah SWT & Rasulullah SAW. Amin.

    spiderman_pink: Hahaha yeah, it probably was! ;)

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