How about him?
I am feeling so burdened with grief right now.
“If you knew what I knew, you would laugh little & weep much.” – Hadith from Rasulullah SAW.
I’ve been reading Zaynab al-Ghazali’s book & masyaAllah, she is my contemporary heroine for sure. Her struggles, her sacrifice, her torment in prison, all for the sake of da’wah & for Allah SWT has kept the flame of Islamic Revivalism in my heart burning brightly. Yes, for a while now, I have been wanting to do something great, something bigger than myself, something for this Ummah. And reading this book has been timely because I feel it stronger than ever.
On the day her husband proposed to her, this was what Zaynab al-Ghazali said to him:
“However, I believe one day I will take this step that I wish and dream of. If that day comes, and because of it, a clash is apparent between your personal interests and economic activities on the one hand, and my Islamic work on the other, and that I find my married life is standing in the way of Da’wah and the establishment of an Islamic state, then, each of us should go our own way.”
“I cannot ask you today to share with me this struggle, but it is my right on you not to stop me from jihad in the way of Allah. Moreover, you should not ask me about my activities with other Mujahideen, and let trust be full between us. A full trust between a man and a woman, a woman who, at the age of 18, gave her full life to Allah and Da’wah. In the event of any clash between the marriage contract’s interest and that of Da’wah, our marriage will end, but Da’wah will always remain rooted in me.”
“I accept that ordering me to listen to you is amongst your rights, but Allah is greater than ourselves. Besides, we are living in a dangerous phase of Da’wah.”
The response of her husband was: “Forgive me. Carry on your work with Allah’s blessing. If only I could live to see the establishment of an Islamic state and the Ikhwan’s goal achieved! If only I was still in my youth to work with you!”
SubhanAllah! I wish I had her strength, her passion & enthusiasm! I would love to say the same thing to my future husband but who am I but a measly creature who craves to be loved too? :( I wish I could say that I would devote my life to Allah SWT, to do da’wah & let that be my main occupation, I really wish I could. Allah knows best what lies ahead of me. I pray my dream be fulfilled one day, in whatever little way that I could contribute.
“If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.”
My heart breaks everyday. I step out of the house & images of Muslim couples cuddling & kissing in public grieves me. I take the train & I see Muslim girls younger than me pushing prams with their kid with dyed hair & I say a silent prayer for them. I read of Muslims converting to other religions because “I can do what I want” & my tears fall and my heart shatters. My ears feel as if they are burning when I see young Muslim boys using vulgarities, a lit cigarette between their frail fingers, a scantily-clad teenage girl hanging on their other arm.
All these images fill my heart with sorrow and keep my mind burdened. I admit, I have not been the best of servants, I have trangressed bounds, I have been disobedient. Only Allah knows how many times I have been deviant. And only Allah knows why He would want to save someone as lowly as me. And I pray He saves us all!
Imagine, these tears that fall for a complete stranger, the only relation being “La ila ha ilalLah”. This grief that consumes my heart. This feeling of helplessness when I see fellow Muslims proudly disobeying Allah & mocking those trying to do some good.
And now imagine, this is me – someone who’s feelings for other humans are minimal. How about the grief of Rasulullah SAW? Our deeds are reported to him and he knows us better than we know ourselves! How about his grief then? How many more tears does he shed for us than compared to my few tears? Who did he mention before he left to meet his Lord?
And now remember this:
“One day the Companions found him crying so they asked him about the reason for his distress. He said, “I am missing my brothers.” They asked again, “Aren’t we your brothers, O Prophet of Allah?”. He replied, “You are my companions. My brothers are those who will come after my time and will believe in me even though they have not seen me.”
How much deeper his sorrow? How heartbreaking a state he is in! Despite knowing how the future will be, despite knowing the kind of Ummah he will get, despite knowing the sins we would commit, on the Last Day, here is the man who will still prostrate before his Lord for who?? FOR US. And what have we done in return? Hurt him continuously?
Allah has chosen us to be from the Ummah of Habibina Sayyidina Muhammad SAW. Thats the greatest gift, the greatest blessing we could ever have gotten! And how do we repay this blessing? By being complacent in our religion and allowing the haram to be halal? How low we have stooped…
If we only knew how the Companions treated Rasulullah SAW, we would be so ashamed at our treatment of him.
And here’s a Hadith Qudsi that just crushes my heart each time I am reminded of it.
“Had I not created Heaven or Hell, do I not deserve to be worshipped?”
Ya Rabbi! Of course you do! Had you not created Heaven of Hell, You are the only One deserving of our love and worship and sacrfice! We do not need a reason to worship You. And if anyone insists on one reason, I would tell him that its because You have created me to be from the Nation of Sayyidina Muhammad SAW and for that reason, You have proven Your Love and Mercy on me and for that reason, no one else deserves my love & my worship!
How ashamed we should be. How easily we take this religion, this blessing. Its as if we know that our place in Heaven has been reserved for us. How ignorant.
Each year, droves of students graduate from top Islamic universities & come back to Singapore. Each year, the abortion rate & teenage pregnancy rate amongst Malay (assumed Muslims) increases. What is this? Have we given a thought to it? What is the quality of the education they are receiving? I am not putting the blame on scholars & asatizahs. I know it is a shared responsibility. Something is gravely wrong somewhere. I wish I knew what.
I wish he would tell me..