Help comes to those who need it
I’ve been feeling really off these past few weeks. I missed my period for the first time ever, which got me really worried because it means my body’s signalling something to me. I have this weird stubbornness in me that refuses to accept that I’m stressed. Haha. I always see myself as relax and happy-go-lucky and laughing & smiling and just really very chill. Stressed was a word that other people used that wasn’t synonymous to who I am, at all.
But I guess I am stressed. Maybe. Haha.
I missed my period, I have really bad back aches & migraine attacks in recent weeks that just makes me want to lie down half the day although I have to study for exams. I feel unmotivated, and when I thought I “got it back”, it dies off sooner rather than later. I had a bit of a misunderstanding with my mother, which has been cleared & I’m really glad for that. And when I finally want to accept that yes, I am stressed, I got my period. And it has lasted longer than usual, which again, being the paranoid nerd that I am, got me worried. Haha.
But right now, when I’m really feeling very blah (I can’t even find a proper adjective to describe this feeling), and my solace is prayer, I can’t pray. And then I start feeling even blah-er because I feel ungrateful to Him. I mean, He obviously knows I’m stressed or in need of rest or something & I’ve gotten my period so I should just rest but noooo, I have to feel that He doesn’t want to date me.
(For those who don’t know, yeah, prayers are what I term my “dates with Him” because no one else can come along.)
So you see, I’m really unhappy with myself because I sound like such a whiny piece of nerd & an ungrateful one at that. And I can finally pray now and earlier when I was in prostration, I was just crying and “complaining” to Him because I have no idea what I’m feeling or why I’m feeling like this.
Right after prayer, I switched on my laptop, opened my Nanotechnology notes (yes I have no idea why I took this module either) and then I got an sms:
“But as for those who strive hard in Our cause – We shall most certainly guide them onto paths that lead to Us: for behold, God is indeed with the doers of good.”
Al-Ankabut : 69
Seriously, His comfort comes in all forms & guises. And I just can’t help but share this with everyone because I know the feeling of being alone and helpless and misunderstood. (Been there, done that.) And so, when this happens to me, I hope that by sharing, people won’t despair of His Love & Mercy. He is always there, really. We just have to “be with Him” too.
So hang in there fellow mujahids! InnalLaha ma’anaa. (He is with us.)